


serving a long term

by LiveLaughLovex



Series: tomorrow’s precious memories [21]
Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s09e21 Identity, Spoilers for Episode: s09e21 Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 14:37:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18701599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLaughLovex/pseuds/LiveLaughLovex
Summary: Their ride home from the prison is filled with silence and tears, and with her thoughts of how much of an idiot she is for truly believing her father might've actually changed this time around.





	serving a long term

**Author's Note:**

> If mental abuse was a punishable crime, a lot of parents would be in jail serving a long term. - Maddy Malhotra

Eddie cried silently throughout most of their ride home from the prison. She knew it worried Jamie. He glanced over every few seconds, his eyes full of such loving concern that it almost made up for all she’d gone through with her father in that visitation room. Just like always, it was him that was helping to piece her back together, even though he didn’t have any idea he was doing it.

All those years ago, her father had been the one to destroy her. Since the day they’d first met, Jamie had been the one to save her. She just needed to remember that. She needed to remind herself that everything Jamie did, it was because he truly wanted what was best for her. That was one of many things that made him so colossally different from her father. That was one of many reasons she’d fallen in love with him.

They were fifteen minutes from the apartment when she finally spoke. “I don’t hate him,” she murmured, staring out the window. “And I _hate_ that I don’t hate him. I want to. If I did, things would be so much easier. I wouldn’t have this knot in my stomach, like I just walked away from someone who matters. From my family.” She scoffed humorlessly, glancing over at him. “I’m only his family when he needs something from me, so why is he always mine?”

“Because he’s your father,” Jamie replied just as quietly, reaching for her with the hand not on the steering wheel. He intertwined their fingers. “And you’re supposed to be able to trust your family, no matter what. You’re not the one in the wrong here, Eddie.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I am. Because I actually let myself start to believe he’d changed.”

“Eddie, he’s your father,” Jamie repeated gently. “It’s not wrong to take him at his word.”

“Maybe if it’s your family,” Eddie muttered, shaking her head. “When your family says they’re sorry, they mean it. When they say they’ll try to change, they actually do. In my family, it means you’re probably going to get your heart broken all over again, and I’ve learned that lesson the hard way a million times since I was a kid. I just – I wish it’d stick.”

Jamie’s fingers tightened around hers. “Did he actually do all that stuff?” he asked quietly. “Tell you to lie to your mom, to the cops…”

“Why do you think I’m so damn good at undercover?” she asked sardonically. “He’s been training me since I was about four years old.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied guiltily. “For not telling you about him getting in touch with me, and for going behind your back to try to get him back. I just thought you should get to have your dad there, but that doesn’t make what I did okay.”

“One of the reasons you’re so different from him?” Eddie asked rhetorically, not even bothering to wait for him to respond before continuing. “You’re apologizing for doing something good, and he’s not apologizing at all.” She squeezed his fingers gently. “I’ll forgive him eventually, I’m sure. I always do, no matter how badly it hurts when he once again proves he doesn’t deserve it. But you? There’s nothing I need to forgive you for. And if we ever do have kids, I’m glad you’ll be their father.”

Jamie started slightly at the mention of children, a topic they hadn’t broached since the previous week. She still wasn’t sure about where she stood; he knew that. Still, he asked, “Why?”

She smiled sadly, wiping away the single tear left running down her cheek. “Because they’ll never know what it’s like to be let down by their father,” she murmured. “Because _I’ll_ never know what it’s like to be let down by their father. Because when they see their parents, they’ll get to see two people in love with each other, not the _idea_ of each other.” She drew in a shaky breath. “Because they’ll never be put through what I was.”

“No,” Jamie agreed simply. “They won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> I CANNOT STAND ARMIN JANKO. I was all ready to find him tolerable this episode, because it seemed like he might actually be a decent human being, and then he went and pulled that crap. Nope. Uh-uh. I'm out, and back to thinking he's the jerk he's always been. Only person I feel sorry for here is Eddie. Well, and Jamie, but mostly Eddie. No woman should have to go through that with her father right before her wedding. It's just not fair. 
> 
> To comment on the rest of the episode: I really liked Danny and Baez's case, just for the psychological component of it. I did not like the brothers, because that whole "last time" thing seemed a little bit assault-y to me, seeing as the girlfriends didn't have any idea they were sleeping with. I'm interested in seeing where the Nicky storyline's going. With the way the writers are sometimes, we might never hear of it again, but I still think it's really cool. I LOVED Frank's speech about her tenacity being part of who she was. I always like when we get to see Frank being supportive, especially with Nicky and the boys. More of that, please. 
> 
> I cannot believe the wedding's next episode, and I'm most definitely not prepared. Writing that one might completely destroy me. Oh, well. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed the episode, too, and that you have a good weekend! I'm going to be helping out with some family stuff tomorrow, so I might not be able to reply as quickly as I'd like, but I'll definitely be around Sunday and next week. Semester's finally over, woohoo!


End file.
